you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
