I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
