So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize