I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
