I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
