hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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