i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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