Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
