Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
