I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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