I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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