I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
