I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
