Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize