He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
