its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
