the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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