I wish I only lived at night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
