Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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