It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sext me about skeletons
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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