Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
