I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
