Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
