Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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