I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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