There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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