i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
