I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
