I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You smell like stripper and shame
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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