This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
