I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
