I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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