The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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