apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
