tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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