FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
