she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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