walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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