Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
