Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
