that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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