What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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