Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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