happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
