i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
