the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
