I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
