he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
