Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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