another moral hangover. fuck.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
