you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize