Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
