It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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