my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize