it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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