I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize