see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
