hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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