Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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