Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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