I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
