i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
