my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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