Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the raccoons are back...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
