new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
