I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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