good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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