i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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